Email Funny

It’s emails like this one that leave me sitting here thinking of all manners of smart-ass responses:”I would love to slap your Ass and cunt hole !! “This email was courtesy of a 41 year-old-man. Happ_ Dominque:We both fully understand the consequence and know that we are very young but we feel like we are ready.(11 [...]
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Carlos:
My girlfriend stayed with me for about 5 months.
(13 June 2017)

Carlos:
I know that I wasn't supposed to have my girlfriend stay with me in my apartment due to Section 8 lease rules, but I did it anyway because I loved her.
(13 June 2017)

Carlos:
To keep a long story very short, I am a 30-something year-old man on Section 8. My name is Dave.
(13 June 2017)

Patria:
I can't chose a boy! Help Boy X or Y?
(13 June 2017)

Patria:
He is hot and super popular But he hangs out with some boys that get into a lot of trouble, even though he usually can stay out of it.
(13 June 2017)

Patria:
He makes me feel happy and takes away any stress.
(13 June 2017)

Patria:
Boy Y and I don't have as much history but whenever I talk to him my whole world lights up and I can't stop smiling.
(13 June 2017)

Patria:
He is mature, hot, popular and nice and we have a lot of opportunities to hang out.
(13 June 2017)

Patria:
The first one boy X and I have a lot of history and our younger sisters are best friends, but he just moved back from Cali and told me that he might be interested in dating.
(13 June 2017)

Patria:
There are two boys that I really really like.
(13 June 2017)